Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
