Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
