they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
