note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
