I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
