It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
