The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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