woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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