I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
