just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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