so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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