Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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