My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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