I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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