The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
