you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
