i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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