Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
