First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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