Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
