I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The best revenge is premature balding
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
