Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I stole a fireplace last night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
