he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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