??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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