lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
