i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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