Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
