You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
