I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
