I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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