Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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