Duck Duck Cougar?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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