Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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