Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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