just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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