He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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