FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
