Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
