we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
