You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
