Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
