This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
