whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
