So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
