Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
