What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
