Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
