Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
