giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
