All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
