I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
