It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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