Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
