It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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