remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
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