I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
