i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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