I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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