Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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