is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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