Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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