just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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