you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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