My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
