Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
