Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
