im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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