My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
