You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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