I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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