well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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