i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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